


Burn to Gold and Crumble Away

by The_Hybrid



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Flowers, Funeral, M/M, POV Caleb Widogast, all the M9 are mentioned, also vague reference to Vox Machina, but i still havent seen c1, but they're uhhhhhh dead, i guess, meaningful conversations!, sorry about that, they do be dead, yeah this is a funeral fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26866339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Hybrid/pseuds/The_Hybrid
Summary: Caleb sits in the Blooming Grove and thinks about his life and his friends. An old 'friend' visits him
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 76





	Burn to Gold and Crumble Away

**Author's Note:**

> Oh holy shit am I WRITING FIC AGAIN?
> 
> The answer is 'no but also I don't want to do Quantum Mechanics so yes'
> 
> S/O to Jay (@sockablock) for reading this, and in her words 'YOU SAID FIC I DIDNT KNOW YOU MEANT TRAGEDY' so ig warning for sads? I dont know I was already sad before i started writing.
> 
> Also warning: I haven't written fic in like 2 years and I prefer maths for a very good reason. Please dont be mean, I know it probably sucks

Fjord was the first to go, almost a century ago now. After the Mighty Nein had defeated their last world ending creature, after they succumbed to the aches in their bones from over a decade of being broken and repaired just to be broken again, Fjord returned to the sea, taking his rightful place once more as Captain on the ship Orly had managed to keep running for all that time. He’d return every few months to meet with all his old friends, as was their tradition, and moved to the Grove with Caduceus after Yasha and Beau’s wedding and his confession of old feelings. The two enjoyed many years of happiness together before Fjord joined the Wildmother for the last time. It was a shock to all of them and they remained in close proximity for months, staying nearby to the grove until either the pain lessened or the absence became too strong.

After Fjord was Jester. She’d never been the same after losing Fjord and had taken over her father’s old business, although somewhat more hands-on. Both Beau, with her position of High Inquisitor at the Cobalt Soul, and Caleb, with the connections afforded him with his and Essek’s new school, kept an eye on her as best they could, but eventually she fell foul to opposing groups anyway. Artagan came to her burial and stayed for the months after, mourning and grieving with the only people he’d trust to look after if he wasn’t there. Beau, Caleb and Artagan would stay up until late at night when one of them would blame the others for not looking after her enough, but they all knew that they were merely angry at themselves. She was buried to one side of Fjord, and the Nein hoped she’d finally find the peace she lost with his death.

Beauregard and Yasha followed each other quickly when it was their time. Beauregard’s lifespan had been augmented by Caleb at the same time he’d done his own, but she had refused the last time. Nearing almost 120 at that point, she’d decided to leave the Cobalt Soul in Dairon’s capable hands, aware her old mentor would do their best to keep the advancements she’d worked so hard to set in place running. The two of them travelled the Wildlands for a few years before settling near the sea in Nicodranas for their last years. Yasha buried Beau alongside Jester a few months before she too was laid to rest next to Beau.

Veth was buried a few years later, with room reserved in the grove for her husband when it was time. She’d died surrounded by both her families, Yeza, Luc and her grandchildren, and what was left of the Nein. A more peaceful death for her than any of the Nein would have predicted when they first knew each other, but one she’d fought hard for and deserved unendingly. Her husband went the same way a year or so later.

* * *

Veth’s death affected Caleb more than anyone could have predicted, although possibly unsurprisingly. He’d felt Beau’s death keenly but had Veth there for him when times got hard. Essek was there for him too, of course, but he knew the bond Caleb felt for those two was something he’d never truly understand and was thankful for everything they’d done to help his husband. Now, without either of them, neither Caduceus nor Essek were surprised when Caleb didn’t perform the ritual to prolong his life when it was time.

* * *

Caleb knows now that he’s next, and soon. Veth had died a few years ago now and his body was aging quickly now without the magic he’d used in the past to keep himself young(er), and every day took more effort than the last. Essek had made the trip from the school to the Blooming Grove with him. Neither of them wanted to be alone for this, and Caleb knew Caduceus would look after his husband after he was gone.

They’re inside right now, the soon-to-be last member of the Mighty Nein and the first person they’d truly changed, drinking ‘dead people tea’. Caleb knows they’re most likely keeping an eye on him anyway, but he appreciates the appearance of privacy as he sits at the graves and thinks about his old friends and all they’d done together. Stopping the war, stopping a different war, stopping fake gods and demi-gods and would-be gods. Saving people and being kind.

“Leaving every place a little bit better than the way we found it.”

A faint swish of green fabric next to him is the only sign he isn’t alone. “I’m sure he would have been proud of you too, you know.”

A faint smile is the only sign Caleb had even heard the words. After Jester’s death the two of them had bonded over their grief and the old wizard would be visited by the Arch-Fey from time to time, mostly spending time sat in silence, both with too much and too little to say.

He might as well say them now. There isn’t much time, and he has nothing left to lose. “I saw you, you know. Every time.”

“I know you did. I think the pink one did too if I’m honest.”

“Then why did you always stay hidden? After everything, you could have mourned with your friends.” It had been strange to Caleb to call an Arch-Fey a friend at first, but what else would he call him.

“Too many deaths. Too much pain and sadness” not sure if Artagan was talking to him or just talking, he looks away from the graves when he speaks again. “You weren’t the first group of adventurers I knew. Another group in Tal Dorei helped me a few decades before I met you all. Depending on who you ask, they were my first friends. And humanoids only live so long apparently.”

“Vox Machina” The other group. Commonly brought up in conversation whenever one would talk about the Mighty Nein. Caleb had heard of them throughout his time running his school. The similarities between the two groups was always something that had amused Caleb.

“Indeed. They have also started moving on. Soon it will be only Keyleth left, although you returned her mother to her at least.” If Artagan noticed Caleb’s confusion in the silence he didn’t elaborate.

Turning back to the strange array of different flowers, Caleb thinks about asking all the unanswered questions he’s had over the years, and sighs. None of them really matter now. Instead he thinks forwards, about the pain his husband and last friends will feel for him after he’s gone, about the school he set up, the legacy he helped create, and about  _ after _ . He thinks about the possibility of an afterlife, if he deserves it after all the bad he’s done. He thinks about his parents, if they’d be happy to see him again, or just angry. His friends, joining them all once more. Hopes that the good they’ve done outweighs all the bad.

“Why me, Artagan? Why did you come back to see me?”

“Why not?” A sigh. “I promised her. Many years ago. A few days after Fjord died, she called for me and we talked well into the night. I think she needed to see me and make sure I was alright. Eventually she started talking about you all. The order in which you’d go. She was right for the most part. She thought you’d perform at least one more ritual after Veth died but apart from that she was right. She was even right about you travelling here before you died so Essek wouldn’t be alone. That you’d sit here and think too much and get stuck thinking about the past. She made me promise I wouldn’t let you be alone. She loved you all but you were always different. She worried about you hurting yourself and that when it was just you you’d forget about how much they loved you. I would do anything for her, I was never going to break that promise. Caleb Widogast, you are loved, and you have done good.”

When Caleb opens his eyes there is no green cloak, no red hair, just an expanse of flowers he knows, even with his limited knowledge of botany, should clash but somehow work together. Just like them. He stands, turns, and goes to sit with his husband and friend.

* * *

A few days later, a drow with a parasol and a firbolg stand over a freshly dug pile of dirt. The drow subtly tries to wipe away tears and the firbolg kneels, casting a spell over the dirt. As white tulips start to sprout from the ground, Caduceus looks to the edge of the graveyard where he sees the same flash of green cloak he’s seen the last five times he performed this spell.

Essek and Caduceus both pick a tulip, Essek places his carefully in his satchel, and Caduceus puts his in a vase on the table inside where it joins a dahlia, a pink carnation, a white stargazer lily, and a yellow and a peach rose.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know, these are the meanings of the flowers and who grew them.
> 
> Dahlia: Fjord - Demonstrates the lasting bond and commitment between two people - great for anniversaries  
> Pink Carnation: Veth - a Mother's undying love  
> White stargazer lily: Jester - purity, innocence and sympathy  
> Yellow rose: Beau – friendship and joy  
> Peach rose: Yasha - modesty and demureness. They can also be given to show someone how much you are missing them 
> 
> Please leave Kudos and Comment if you liked it! Or even if you want to swear at me/give me tips. Whatever, I dont mind, just pls be nice!!!


End file.
